What's in a name? I'm not sure.
by Dragonessa Smith
Summary: A silly little fic. Please read my other stories! Do not base your impression of me on this story alone! Please?
1. So, You Can't SleepNow What?

A/N: What is in a name? This is just a short little fic to satisfy my loyal, if somewhat small, band of reviewers while I work on the next part of Dragon Wings, Hogwarts Heart. I've hit a bit of a block, but I'm working on it. In the meantime, enjoy! It's stupid, it's sort of funny, its...Jiffy-Fic! A ten minute fic, great for commercial breaks. (Re-edited July 15, 2003)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Bill walked sleepily down the stairs. He had been trying to sleep, but a constant clicking noise from the room under his was keeping him up.  
  
"Mione?" He asked, sticking his head in the room. "Whatcha doin'? Why aren't you asleep?"  
  
"Oh, I couldn't sleep." She replied, her eyes glued to the computer setup she had brought with her on her visit to the Burrow. (Mr. Weasly had been all too happy to help set it up, though he wasn't too much of a help.) "Right now, I'm researching what you're guys's names mean."  
  
"What?" Bill dragged a chair over and sitting down.  
  
"What you and you're brother's and sister's names mean. Look, I'll look up your name. Your full name is William, right?"  
  
"Right." But it wasn't Bill who said it. Charlie and Percy had appeared in the doorway, both looking sleepy, even though they were wide awake.  
  
"Do you mind? Some of us are trying to sleep." Percy muttered darkly.  
  
"What are you doing?" Charlie ignored Percy and walked over to Bill and Hermione. Percy followed.  
  
"Here it is. William: Desire to protect." Hermione announced.  
  
"Gee, that makes a lot of sense." Bill rolled his eyes.  
  
"Sort of. Remember in your third year, when that Deidre whatever-her-last-name-was kept calling Charlie Chunky Charlie?" Percy blurted out. "You helped him come up with Despicable Deidre?"  
  
"Chunky Charlie?" Hermione said, trying and failing to hide her amusement.  
  
"Bill, what did she call you because of that?" Charlie asked. "Hill-Billy?"  
  
"Something like that."  
  
"Mum was pretty upset about that."  
  
"She's going to be pretty upset that you're all making such a racket at two in the morning." Fred said. The twins stood in the doorway. "What are you four doing down here anyway?"  
  
"Researching our names. What's Charlie mean? My full name's Charles." Charlie asked. Hermione typed for a while, staring intently at the screen.  
  
"Right, here we go. Charles: Manly, Full Grown."  
  
"Hoo-boy, he's not gonna let us forget that one for a while." George whispered in a loud voice as they perched behind Bill and Hermione's seats.  
  
"At least I'm not desiring to protect anybody."  
  
"Hey, I might have a desire to knock your teeth out."   
  
"I have a desire to know what you guys are doing." Ron walked in, Ginny almost hidden behind him.  
  
"Researching names." Everyone whispered together.  
  
"What about Percival?" Percy asked.  
  
"One minute." She typed again. "Percival: Piercing the Valley."  
  
There was silence for a few moments.  
  
"Okay, moving right along. Want to find out your's, Fred?"  
  
"Okee-dokey. It's Frederick."  
  
"Frederick: Peace."  
  
This announcement brought several minutes of raucous laughter.  
  
"Fred, peace? I doubt the two words have ever been used together!"  
  
"Peace-shattering, maybe, but just peace?"  
  
"Well, we know these aren't very reliable."  
  
"Wait a minute!" Bill said. "If I recall, Fred was very peaceful for a while...then he learned how to talk."  
  
"Alright, alright, now, George, you next. George: Farmer."  
  
"Peace and a farmer. That makes a lot of sense." George said, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Well, you've always been good at Herbology. And you are rather good with the garden gnomes. So I guess that fits." Hermione reasoned. "Ron? What's your full name?"  
  
"Ronald."  
  
Hermione giggled a bit. "As in McDonald?" Harry snorted with laughter, but Ron only looked at her blankly.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Never mind. Ronald: From the name Reginald. Okay, then. Reginald: King."  
  
"I don't think so." Ron said. "I'm not good at ruling things."  
  
"Well...you're good at chess." Percy tried to reason.  
  
"Good enough. Last one. Ginny?"  
  
"Virginia." She said.  
  
"Virginia: Virginal, pure."  
  
"I should hope so." Percy sputtered after a moment's silence. Everyone burst out laughing again.  
  
"You know, I'm getting an idea..." Fred said, rubbing his chin.   
  
"So says the peaceful one." Charlie said mockingly.  
  
"I'm serious. Gather round everyone."  
  
And they conspired late into the night...er, morning. 


	2. Peace's Evil Plan

A/N: Okay, anything you recognize is not mine. Babynames.com isn't mine. It's an actual website. Mr. Weasly's coffee cup isn't mine. Hermione's computer setup, well, that could be mine, since JK never said that Hermione had a computer, and Percy's sweater-vest actually belongs to a friend of mine (He wore it to a dance, and everyone was calling him Chandler). Charlie's "muscles" belong to me. West-Side Story belongs to someone I would like to thank a lot, Pryfogles is a Christian bookstore that I also don't own. (Re-edited July 15, 2003)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Weasly." Hermione announced brightly the next morning. She was the first one down besides them, and in her hands she held several pieces of paper.  
  
Mr. Weasly only grunted in reply, clutching his coffee cup with both hands. Mrs. Weasly tossed a "Hello, dear." over her shoulder as she flipped the pancakes, stirred the eggs, turned off the stove, placed a kettle on the stove, turned the stove back on, put the bacon in a frying pan on the counter, and cut up some oranges for orange juice, nearly all at the same time.  
  
Hermione tried to remember what she was supposed to say. "Um, I was doing some research the other day, and I found a site, Babynames.com, where they had the meanings of names, and I looked up all the boy's names, and Ginny's too. Would you like to hear what they mean?"  
  
"Oh, Hermione, that would be lovely." Mrs. Weasly sat down on the opposite side of the table and kicked Mr. Weasly's shin to wake him up, as he had fallen asleep over his coffee.  
  
"What? Yes! No! I'm not sure. What was the question?" He cried.  
  
"Hermione was nice enough to look up what our children's names mean, and she asked if we wanted to hear. We do, don't we?" Mrs. Weasly shot her husband a death stare that plainly stated "You better..."  
  
"Of course, of course." Mr. Weasly straightened up immediately, not noticing that the end of his tie had fallen in his coffee cup. It was dripping down his shirt.  
  
"Well, Bill, or William, means "Desire to protect."  
  
As if on cue (A/N: You know it was on cue.), Bill walked in, then shouted "MUM! WATCH OUT!" He dove at Mrs. Weasly, knocking her down.  
  
"Bill! What are you doing?" She shouted.  
  
"The bacon was about to splatter you with grease." He replied in a matter-of-fact tone.  
  
"The bacon is on the counter." Mrs. Weasly didn't scream, though it sounded very close to it. She shot a concerned glance at Mr. Weasly, who just shrugged, confused. Bill walked out the door, after yelling "WATCH OUT!" a few more times.  
  
"Charlie, or Charles, means "Manly, full-grown." Hermione droned on, apparently unaware of what had happened.  
  
Charlie walked in soon after that, wearing a jacket suit. His "muscles" were bulging out.  
  
"Hello, mother, father. I'm off for my morning jog." As he walked off, one of his "muscles" popped.  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Weasly looked more awestruck than before.  
  
"Percival means "Piercing the valley." Hermione continued on, not daring to look up from the paper, lest she burst out laughing when Percy entered, being at least three inches taller than he usually was. (A/N: Yes, I said lest.)  
  
"Hello mum. Dad." Mr. Weasly, who had been sipping his coffee, spat it out all over his newspaper. Percy was wearing a green sweater-vest with cream-colored hems, and plaid slacks. He had on a hat with a little pouf ball, and was holding a bag of golf clubs.  
  
"Penelope invited me to go golfing with her down in the valley." He enunciated the word "Valley." "I got new golf shoes too. Look!" He held up his shoe, which had three inch long spikes attached to the end. "These will be very good at 'piercing the valley.' Hehehe." Laughing at his own joke, he too walked out the door.   
  
"Frederick means peace." Hermione said.  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Weasly were still too shocked by Percy to even laugh or react in any way...until Fred came in.  
  
Fred was...there was no other way to put it, Fred was a hippie. Complete with flowers, hemp wallet, vest, and bare chest and feet.  
  
"Chill all." He said simply. "Mom, I'm gonna go with some friends to protest 'The Man.' He's trying to cut down an endangered redwood down the road a ways. I'll be back, unless we decide to form a human chain or go on a hunger strike or something."  
  
"George means farmer." Hermione piped up. George rushed in, wearing dirty overalls, covered in dirt with bits of grass in his hair, holding a dirt-covered trowel.  
  
"Cut down a redwood? They can't! That reddius woodius has to be the oldest tree in this part of the county! We have to save it. Maybe I can get some seed samples and plant them in the backyard next to my corn and tomatoes. By the way mum, I'm starting a garden." They ran out the door, trying not to burst out laughing.  
  
Mrs. Weasly now looked like a fish, opening and closing her mouth, yet no noise was coming out. Mr. Weasly's coffee cup was tilted over in his hand, and spilled it's contents into his lap, but he gave it no heed. (A/N: Yes, I said heed)  
  
"Ronald means king." Hermione said, a bit loudly, as she wasn't sure they were still listening to her.  
  
"Oh..." Mrs. Weasly said something Hermione knew she would never say around her own children. Ron walked in, wearing George's dress robes as a cloak.  
  
"Hello, this morning I would like to go out for a while, so I will expect my breakfast to be ready and hot when I return, until then, I shall give you some time for yourselves." He strode out the door, and started running when Mrs. Weasly picked up a teacup and hurled it at his head. It hit the door and burst into a thousand pieces. (A/N: Mrs. Weasly doesn't like taking orders, does she? Hmm...another story idea: Boot Camp: HP-style. You know Mrs. Weasly would be running that place within a day.)  
  
"Ginny, or Virginia, mean virginal, pure." Hermione said. Mrs. Weasly snapped her head back around, but was looking much calmer than she had a minute ago. Mr. Weasly looked rather traumatized by everything so far.  
  
Ginny walked in with a ring of white flowers in her hair, which was down. She was wearing a white dress, which made her look exceptionally pale.  
  
"Hello. Lovely day, isn't it? I must go to Pryfogles, they are having a sale." As she walked out, a deer and a rabbit hopped along with her.  
  
Mrs. Weasly looked sick. 


	3. Molly's Revenge

A/N: I know it sucks. It's a wham, bam, thank you maam ending, because i just wanted to finish this. it could have turned out better. i might re-re-edit some time. I just can't think of anything right now.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hermione slipped out of her seat as Mrs. Weasly exploded at Mr. Weasly, who was too busy laughing his head off to hear much of what she was saying.   
  
She headed out the kitchen door, around the house, to the front garden, where the rest of the Weasly's were waiting.   
  
"What happened?" Charlie asked, as another of his "muscles" popped painfully. "I want to get rid of these balloons, they're killing me."  
  
"Speaking of which, your mum is about to kill your dad because he's cracking up." Hermione could barely get the words out, laughing along with them.   
  
The squawking of the chickens as Mrs. Weasly plowed through them interrupted them. She was looking calm, but a deadly sort of calm.  
  
Everyone froze as she walked up to them, Mr. Weasly walking a ways behind her, holding his head as though he had been hit with a large frying pan.  
  
No one spoke as she stood before them. Then suddenly, she started ticking items off on her fingers.  
  
"Bill, I need you to build a fence to put up around the chicken coop. Something's attacking them. I know a charm would be easier, but you're so good at protecting things. Charlie, I need you to move everything out of the attic, into the basement. Including all the old bricks and things. Hurry up, get moving. Percy, since you're so good at piercing the valley, you can till the soil for the back garden. It's been ages since any things grown there, probably because the ground is so hard. George, you can spend the rest of today picking the weeds and watering the plants in the front garden, then when Percy's done you can start on the back garden. Fred, the neighbours down the road want you to watch their two little boys, Pete and Scott, remember them? The ones who set you on fire? Since you're so peaceful, you won't have any trouble calming them down. Ron, you get to clean your royal breakfast from the royal kitchen floor, you royal pain. Oh and Ginny, I went through your CD collection and took out any impure ones." She held up a Limp Bizkit CD. "I did it all for the what?"  
  
Ginny paled considerably.  
  
"You'll get them back when you're thirty. Now get to work, all of you!" As Mrs. Weasly walked away, all the Weasly kids turned to glare at Hermione, who backed away meekly.  
  
"By the way," Mrs. Weasly called over her shoulder. "I did some research of my own. Hermione means: Girl with big mouth."  
  
"Wonder what Molly means." Mr. Weasly thought aloud.  
  
"Scary woman."   
  
"Amen." 


End file.
